One Thousand Sour Grapes

The Cover of One Thousand Gifts

You can’t get far in Christian circles, especially as a woman, without hearing about Ann Voskamp and her best-selling book One Thousand Gifts. As with most snarky people who criticize things out of jealousy, I have not read this book. I only have read excerpts. I knew right away it wasn’t for me. It is oozing with the kind of perfectionism that I have to run from like an alcoholic from a bar. I can get so caught up in trying to act perfectly and think perfectly and parent perfectly that I forget what else I’m strung out on…grace. The great grace that allows me to fail and get back up. The grace that gives me unconditional love even when I’m a tad jealous of a best-selling writer. I have to stay away from this type of self-help book or it can easily turn into Martha Stewart for my mind. That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun dreaming of how I would have written the book.

  • One Thousand Fits – as a mom of six, I’m pretty sure I could write this one and have it published by Christmas.
  • One Thousand Guilts – again, I’m the mother of six.
  • One Thousand Quilts – a book about all the quilts I have sewn, in my spacious sewing room, in my dreams.
  • One Thousand Jilts – a dating book
  • One Thousand Kilts – a very niche book about tartans and plaids. Ok, I’m clearly losing the rhyme.
  • One Thousand Sniffs – a book about crying at the hairdresser. I’m the leading expert in the field.
  • One Thousand Tiffs – a book about girlfriends or the holidays or the workplace? So many ways to go with that one.
  • One Thousand Shifts – a book about how I will have to get a “real job” working at a
    The Cover of One Thousand  Shifts

    Starbucks when the kids are grown.

  • One Thousand Whiffs – a book about how to win at the what’s-that-smell game mothers  have to play so often.
  • One Thousand Sifts – a cookbook to drain every last merchandising dollar from the other books.

To be clear, I’m not making fun of Voskamp or her very personal and successful book. I’m making fun of myself as a woman and a writer. I would love to have something out there that is as beloved as her book. I would love to be looked to as an authority on motherhood or marriage or anything really. It is hard for me to stick to being me, when I see that what appeals to people is so far from what I am. God has called me to be this woman I am now and to continue to grow towards what He has called me to. If that is a book that inspires Sara Groves to write a song (like Voskamp’s) then great. If I never write one thousand pages, then so be it. I  pray that I will be content to be whatever He has planned for me because it is the only perfection I will ever attain, by His grace.