My oldest daughter is home after a long day at work, actually a series of long days at work and school. I want to hug her and comfort her in some way, but that won’t happen because he is here….the fiance. My time is over and it is up to him to make her smile and comfort her. He is doing that as I type. I hope they don’t notice me tearing up as I type this. I have two adult children living at home now and it has not been easy. Not at all.
My second oldest child turned 18 and got her own car, with her own money, in the same week. So, even though she lives at home while going to community college, I have lost track of her. She still keeps to curfew but has taken up using the basement door for her coming and going. Is she here right now? I think so, but I’m not sure. Should I know where she is? I’m not sure of that either.
Her age is just a number. It legally qualifies her to live elsewhere and go about her business. In real time however, she did not change overnight. She is still too young to know everything she needs to know to function on her own. I know in my brain that the solution to this is learning as she goes, from her mistakes. This applies even more to the newlyweds I will soon be observing from an uncomfortable distance. Mothers can make an awful mess of things when they try to help couples striking out on their own.
This is the season of their discontent. Do you remember how painful it got to be living in your parents’ house? Transforming into an adult is about feeling like they could do life better than I do it. They become my worst critics. Sadly, this attitude is very necessary for them to move on. How else could they face the daunting task of going it alone? They are out on the edge of the nest, flapping their wings. They need to want to go. I need the desire to give them a shove. The frustration we all feel helps with this.
This really leaves me where I have always been; giving my children back to God…again.Years ago, they might crawl off a bed or walk out in the road. Later we have to think about bike wrecks, then car wrecks. Now they may mess up at work or ruin a relationship. They may not find a hotel room to stay in for their honeymoon if they don’t hurry up and call already. The point is, the worries change and our ability to interfere changes, but God doesn’t change. He is still dealing with them directly, not through me. So they could be on the precipice of danger or mistakes, but He is in control of what happens. It is so hard to remember.
This huge concept is what I set out to convey with this blog. It is why I named the blog raising His child. When we can remember that He loves these children and cares for them better than we can, it can bring such peace. At this stage, the peace is coming in drips and drabs. That’s my fault of course. The stakes feel higher and I’m more out of control, or so it seems. So I wrestle with worry and try to take it all upon myself. It’s a strange change that means doing less for them is best for them. God help me.
This is so new to me. I would love to hear from those of you who are further down the path of parenting adults. Please comment and share what you have learned for those of us who are transitioning out of raising His child.