My Wandering Heart

It has been said that to have children is to have your heart walking around outside your body.  This applies to all children but it is especially true of teenagers because they can go off and leave you.  They go around in cars with their friends, on trips with their church, and eventually on dates with boyfriends or girlfriends. Now that summer is here, kids go to camps or on trips for long stretches.

I am grateful for the people who I trust to take my older kids on trips and to camps. We are in no position right now to take them to the beach or to music festivals, but they have raised the money to go with friends and have been having a great time. I have a had a great chance to miss them. When you homeschool, that is hard to come by.

My oldest daughter, 21,  lives at home but is rarely here for long. She is in love and engaged! So, not only is my heart running around outside my body, her heart is often wandering around with his. And that means that my heart is now tangled up with a sweet, handsome youth pastor who rides four-wheelers and goes hunting and does other things that make my heart feel just a bit unsafe. Her happiness is tied up with his now, so mine is too. It is a strange feeling, but totally worth the joy it has brought her.

I have a 14-year-old who went to Child Evangelism Fellowship training camp for ten days. She learned new ways of delivering an old message to kids. They will be taking the Gospel message to the sidewalks of apartment complexes this summer. They will play games with the kids and just be there for them during the summer. In the school year, they hold after school clubs in every school in this county. Rewarding, if somewhat ironic, work for a homeschooler. I have literally seen my 14-year-old run through rain and snow and deal with southern summer heat to be with a room full of rambunctious children. This is a grace that God has given her that I can’t really imagine. My heart swells with some pride, although I take no credit for the qualities that enable her to do this because they are supernatural. CEF is the best thing that ever happened to her.

my 14yo making bracelets with kids for CEF

My 17-year-old just graduated and is working at a wedding venue. She will be going to college in the fall and hopes to one day go to Africa for missions. This has been her goal for many years. I believe that my heart can stretch that far but it is hard to imagine. For now, at least, she is going to college nearby and will live at home, giving my heart a reprieve. She too has a boyfriend that I have grown to love, thus extending the amount of love I have to share in a way I had only heard about up to now.

No kidding, while I was typing up this draft my oldest texted me to say that she misses me. Aww! We texted back and forth for a while and can’t seem to make a time to even eat breakfast together for now. I miss her too of course and probably will to some extent for the rest of my life. People with fewer children do not understand that I can miss one child when I have  five others. If you are a parent of many kids, you understand that they are not interchangeable to any degree. The love of the others is soothing, but it can’t take the place of the one who is away. This is true of our Heavenly Father who told of His love for us through this parable in Luke 15:

3 Then Jesus told them this parable:  4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

As a child from a family of seven children, I have a hard time realizing that God loves me as an individual. He does not view me as one of those Frazee kids or as the mom of all those Blantons. His heart wanders around with me. When I am wandering away, He misses me. When we struggle to understand how one child out of sooo many could matter, He shows us how… by making us parents.

4 thoughts on “My Wandering Heart

  1. Wonderful, again. I sit here with tears knowing the experiencing all that you have written. And love knows no bounds.

  2. This was beautiful Romelle!! I can’t say I am looking forward to any part of my kiddos growing up, but I like you, feel very blessed to have so many to love on:) Thanks for sharing! Vanessa

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